So, we went to the mall today. It was cool. We walked around with our Asian friend(he’s practically my brother) and his cousin. We had so much fun omg.

Things were awkward in the beginning, but got okay by the end.

We almost help hands, I know that so OMG HANDS. But it was to me. Idk, I like how it’s going slow. I don’t even know if you like be, but seriously, it’s okay.

I’m like so contents with us right now. The flirting is nice. But the friendship is amazing.

Oh god. Maybe I just want to be friends.

I don’t know, your probably still sleeping. Maybe.

But. I usually wake up to that goodmorning text. I didn’t get that. No matter how much you say things aren’t awkward THEY ARE. we aren’t the same. I wish you knew what you felt. I really do. Because then it would be easier. I would know if were just friends, or if you want to date me. In a way I feel wrong. For liking you. For wanting you. Because seriously. I don’t know what will happen. He jacked me up. He said that I can’t be friends with you. So I feel wrong. But I do want you

Do you want me?

You

Just You. I know what I feel now. I know I like you, I know I want you. But when I say I want you, you stop wanting me? It’s not fair. I dont like that. I just assumed I would have you already. But I thinking that was so wrong. I know now that it was. Because your not mine. Nope. Most of me is saying. “make him like you, take him. Make him yours.”. But some of me says “no. You don’t deserve that. You need to let go.”. I realized that it wasnt that I was t over(ex will be refered to as “him”) it was that I needed someone. ANYONE. But now I just need you. I don’t know how to explain it any other way. Every part of me wants you. And I just need you. Your the person I rant to, tell my feelings, make The dumbest jokes to. You get me. When I’m sad you make it better. You want to spend time with me and make me happy. You care. Which is so much more than I can say about the other one. I’m so goddamn clingy and I get attached really easy. But the whole time I was with him. I thought of you. I got in fights with him because I wanted to be friends with YOU. and I didn’t know why I needed you so much. But now I do. He even said “I see the way you look at him, you feel somthing for him.”. But I kept saying no. No no no. The answer now is yes. I did feel somthing. That’s why I needed you. And I know that now. I know that knowing I couldn’t have you made me want you more
. And that’s what’s happening now too. I know you don’t know if you want me. So I want you more. I want to have you to myself. I want to see you all the time and not le anything ruin us. I want to take that risk. I want to let myself love you and cherish us.
I don’t even care if that’s selfish. I just need you. In any way really. Even if were just best friends. Because having you here for me is the only thing I could ever ask for. Having you be mine would just be an honor, a privilege. I want us to be perfect.

Maybe what we are right now, best friends, is as perfect as it will get.

• I only feel pretty when i have a lot of makeup on.
• I hate the way i look in glasses.
• I really want to be a model, but i don’t think I’m attractive enough.
• I’ve never had my first kiss.
• I really want my first kiss.
• I REALLY want my first kiss.
• I want a guy to tell me I’m pretty, and mean it.
• I think like this guy, but i know cant date him.
• I cant tell you about this guy because I’m going to get shit about it later.
• I’m probably going to get shit about this tomorrow.
• I want a guy that likes me for who i am, and not who i try to be.
• I want people to realize that I’m not doing this for attention.
• I want them to realize I am doing this because i don’t have to balls to say most of this out-loud.

I spent most of the night dancing and having fun. wich makes this not really a rant, but i story. I ate sooo much, becasue food is amazing and then i started dancing and i love dancing, if i may say!  So i only danced with one guy, but its ohkai, becasue he was the first guy to ever ask me to dance or to dance with me in the first place. My freind has a crush on him, so i wont even go there. But still, its nice to know someone thinks im good enough to dance with!

Because the one person i told this tumblr to will be mad :[

(Source: ohkai)